I know I tend to put a lot of myself out there on these blogs, which can be pretty unprofessional. For instance, I wouldn’t use this blog as a way to show someone my writing skills, even though there are posts on here that demonstrate that. It’s by far more of a way for me to put out there online what is going on in my head and maybe get feedback on things I can do to fix it.
This post is an update after my last one which was written in a very bad spot and then I took a long break.
Issues with my financials and my boyfriend combined into a mess of a headspace that for the last few weeks has left me really deflated. I want to write but every time I look at my computer I can’t bring myself to put words down, I want to be creative but I’m so exhausted from worrying about money I have nothing left to be creative with.
I even tried stepping back into RP but without someone to help me keep active and talk to people, I just couldn’t bring myself to be social and outgoing.
I’m picking up streaming again for a few different reasons. 1) I absolutely missed it. I loved playing games and having people talk to me in chat and seem like they actually cared about what I said. I loved it. 2)… when I did it last I actually made some side money that helped a lot. I’m sort of hoping I can build back up to that again because the biggest reason I’ve been in such a bad spot has been my finances.
My job pays me 13.60/hr to do mind-numbingly boring work. I mean… sitting for 8 hours a day right-clicking and hitting enter occasionally kind of work. I’m completely brain-dead and have been doing this for more than a year. I only just recently got the .60 raise… which apparently was something they based off my performance even though they never said that, I only know because my sister works at these same place and I saw how much her raise was and it was .10 MORE. For no reason given.
I’ve been desperately putting my resume out there trying to find something higher paying, took the time to apply for benefits, health insurance, and something cheaper because the insurance my company has literally brought my pay down to a bit over 9 an hour after what the insurance takes out per paycheck. I am literally drowning right now and struggling to breathe.
Which is why these posts are so few and far between. By the end of the workday I tend to just lay on the couch and nap, try not to eat too much food so what I have will last, and watch myself sink even more as I do. I want to be a writer, I always have… In fact, I decided to start a GoFundMe for my book that I’ve been desperately wanting to write. I put a link on the sidebar but here it is as well. https://gofund.me/e1fb47fa
Basically, the synopsis is this:
After a mysterious visit to a fortune teller, Rena starts to notice strange things happening around her. Inconsistencies, objects moved, doors opening and closing, and whispers around her house in the dead of night. When she’s suddenly struck by a black-and-white vision of what can only be the future, Rena knows she has to figure out what’s going on in her family home. Follow Rena’s journey to find out why she’s seeing visions of the future, what or who is haunting her house, and if there’s anything that she can do to help.
I’ve not got a lot but I know how I want it to go, but with my finances being… awful… I just can’t focus on it. Too much stress. So I thought, hey, why not give it a try? Don’t know if anyone cares enough and I’m horrible at marketing myself but at least on this blog it’s kind of my place to talk about what’s going on and that’s what I’ve done.
I’m not depending on this at all, by the way, this is mostly just a… help ease the tension of my life so I can feel free to write again. Trying to find a new job and putting out apps every single day and getting zero responses 98% of the time (The last 2% are automated, ‘we went with someone else’ emails).
I’m hoping one day I’ll find a job I can do that will actually help me succeed, I’m hoping streaming on my Twitch channel will help out, I’m hoping some benefits I applied for will come through and I can breathe a little bit with food too.
I live in an RV on my sister’s property with really cheap rent but winter is almost here and it’s not rated to do well in winter so I’m frantically throwing what money I can at it to block up windows, skirt the outside edge and just keep it functional for a winter until some things change…
I don’t know… I guess that’s my update that I’m throwing into the void. Sorry, my blog posts are depressing as hell but I really am hoping some of the steps I’ve taken will turn this blog from a pit of sorrow into a place of creativity again.
Thanks for reading this long.
Begin Again Writing 